Söknuður

ég held að hann komi sjaldan til með að kynnast tilfinningunni í sumar, því miður fyrir hann

Það eru aðrir spámenn sem koma frekar til greina frekar en hann. Jafnvel Alonso gæti komist oftar á pall en hann

Hamilton saknar vímunnar sem fylgir keppnissigri

Húmor

Þessi er á mörkunum ég viðurkenni það, en hvað með það.

 

Gay Killer Whale

The news reported a gay killer whale off the coast of Florida.
It seems the whale sneaks up on submarines and sucks out all the sea men.

Með hundinn undir stýri

Ég var á leið heim úr vinnu í gær. fékk far með vinnufélaga.

Við ókum fram úr lítilli buddu á lítilli púttu, nema hvað að buddan var með lítinn hund í fanginu á sér á meðan hún var að keyra.

Nema hvað að hausinn á mér fór á yfirsnúning og sá fyrir mér að buddan lenti í árekstri, ekki stórum endilega, kannski bara kyssti létt afturendan á næsta bíl fyrir framan. En samt nógu stórum til að loftpúðinn í stýrinu hjá henni myndi springa út! Hvað myndi koma fyrir hundinn?

Og ætli buddan myndi lifa höggið af? Hundurinn myndi sennilega ekki lifa það af, en buddan?

 

 

Þetta er snilld

Alltaf gaman að þessu

Lærðu önnur tungumál

Learn Chinese in 5 minutes (You MUST read them aloud) English - Chinese

That's not right! Sum Ting Wong

Are you harbouring a fugitive? Hu Yu Ha i Ding

See me ASAP Kum Hia Nao

Stupid Man Dum Fuk

Small Horse Tai Ni Po Ni

Did you go to the beach? Wai Yu So Tan

I bumped into a coffee table! Ai Bang Mai Fu Kin Ni

I think you need a face lift! Chin Tu Fat

It's very dark in here! Wai So Dim

I thought you were on a diet! Wai Yu Mun Ching

This is a tow away zone! No Pah King

Our meeting is scheduled for next week! Wai Yu Kum Nao

Staying out of sight! Lei Ying Lo

He's cleaning his automobile! Wa Shing Ka

Your body odour is offensive! Yu Stin Ki Pu

Great! Fa Kin Su Pa

Mánudagshúmor

Games to play when we're older

Games to play when we're older:

1. Sag, you're it.
2. Hide and go pee.
3. 20 questions shouted into your good ear.
4. Kick the bucket.
5. Red Rover, Red Rover, the nurse says Bend Over.
6. Musical recliners.
7. Simon says something incoherent.
8. Pin the Toupee on the Bald Guy.

SIGNS OF MENOPAUSE:
1. You sell your home heating system at a yard sale.
2. You have to write post-it notes with your kids' names on them.
3. You change your underwear after a sneeze.

OLD IS WHEN:
1. Going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.
2. You don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along.
3. Getting a little action means you don't need fiber today.
4. Getting lucky means you find your car in the parking lot.
5. An all-nighter means not getting up to pee!

Thoughts for the weekend
Wouldn't it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we could simply press 'Ctr Alt Delete' and start all over?
Just remember...if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.
If raising! children was going to be easy, it never would have started with something called labor!
Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever.
But Most Of All, Remember:
A Good Friend Is Like A Good Bra: Hard to Find, Supportive, Comfortable, And Always Close To Your Heart.

Göngugarpur

Gott mál að ekki fór ver.

Ég á eina sem er að verða 6 ára, sem gæti alveg tekið upp á því að labba heim til sín án þess að láta kóng eða prest vita

Litla stúlkan fundin

Fréttir

Það er frétt á visi.is um að SÁÁ vanti 80 millur upp á að geta haldið úti göngudeildum sínum.

Afhverju er ekki minnst á það hérna megin netsins.

Er þetta eitthvað feimnis mál hjá moggamönnum? eða eru þetta ekki "fréttir"?

Ók ölvaður á ofsahraða

Munurinn á 1957 og 2007 (bandarískt sumt gæti kannski átt við hér:))

Scenario: Johnny and Mark get into a fistfight after school.
1957 - Crowd gathers. Mark wins. Johnny and Mark shake hands and end up buddies.
2007 - Police called, SWAT team arrives, arrests Johnny and Mark. Charge> them with assault, both expelled even though Johnny started it.

Scenario: Jeffrey won't be still in class, disrupts other students.
1957 - Jeffrey sent to office and given a good paddling by the Principal.
Returns to class, sits still and does not disrupt class again.
2007 - Jeffrey given huge doses of Ritalin. Becomes a zombie. Tested for ADD. School gets extra money from state because Jeffrey has a disability.

Scenario: Billy breaks a window in his neighbor's car and his Dad gives him a whipping with his belt.
1957 - Billy is more careful next time, grows up normal, goes to college, and becomes a successful businessman.
2007 - Billy's dad is arrested for child abuse. Billy removed to foster care and joins a gang. State psychologist tells Billy's sister that she remembers being abused herself and their dad goes to prison. Billy's Mom has affair with psychologist.

Scenario: Mark gets a headache and takes some aspirin to school.
1957 - Mark shares aspirin with Principal out on the smoking dock.
2007 - Police called, Mark expelled from school for drug violations. Car searched for drugs and weapons.

Scenario: Pedro fails high school English.
1957 - Pedro goes to summer school, passes English, goes to college.
2007 - Pedro's cause is taken up by state. Newspaper articles appear nationally explaining that teaching English as a requirement for graduation is racist. ACLU files class action lawsuit against state school system and Pedro's English teacher. English banned from core curriculum. Pedro given diploma anyway but ends up mowing lawns for a living because he cannot speak English.

Scenario: Johnny takes apart leftover firecrackers from 4th of July, puts them in a model airplane paint bottle, blows up a red ant bed.
1957 - Ants die.
2007 - BATF, Homeland Security, FBI called. Johnny charged with domestic terrorism, FBI investigates parents, siblings removed from home, computers confiscated, Johnny's Dad goes on a terror watch list and is never allowed to fly again.

Scenario: Johnny falls while running during recess and scrapes his knee. He is found crying by his teacher, Mary. Mary hugs him to comfort him.
1957 - In a short time, Johnny feels better and goes on playing.
2007 - Mary is accused of being a sexual predator and loses her job. She faces 3 years in State Prison. Johnny undergoes 5 years of therapy.

Föstudagsgrín

The testicles of a Texas midget

The testicles of a Texas midget hurt and ached almost all the time. The midget went to the doctor and told him about his problem.
The doctor told him to drop his pants and he would have a look. The midget dropped his pants. The doctor stood him up onto the examining table, and started to examine him. The doctor put one finger under his left testicle and told the midget to turn his head and cough, the usual method to check for a hernia
'Aha!' mumbled the doctor, and as he put his finger under the right testicle, he asked the midget to cough again. 'Aha!' said the doctor once more, and reached for his surgical scissors. Snip-snip-snip-snip on the right side... then snip-snip-snip-snip on the left side.
The midget was so scared he was afraid to look, but noted with amazement that the snipping did not hurt. The doctor then told the midget to walk around the examining room to see if his testicles still hurt. The midget was absolutely delighted as he walked around and discovered his boys were no longer aching.
The doctor said, 'How does that feel now?'
The midget replied, 'Perfect Doc, and I didn't even feel it. What did you do?'
The doctor replied 'I cut two inches off the top of your cowboy boots.'